Hopping Roller Coasters

When Rachel mailed me her book, Hopping Roller Coasters, I had no idea what to expect.  I warned her that it might take me months to read it, as I never seem to find the time to read for fun.  However, I ended up taking the book everywhere; stealing whatever time I could to read on, captivated by her writing.  Hopping Roller Coasters is a fabulous book about a mother and daughter; mental illness; falling, getting up. And then along comes cancer. It's about loving, being loved; forgiving, being forgiven. It is a brutally honest account of the lives of one family, one that likely resonates with so many more, whether they have experienced mental illness or not. I was truly moved by this honesty, and the strength and courage that allowed them to overcome.  Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your story.

When I read the fantastic review written by Marie Ennis-O’Connor, founder of Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer, I asked Marie if I could share her thoughts.  Thank you Marie, for sharing and for all you do to brighten the days of others.

“I never planned on becoming a breast cancer survivor because, like most people, I never planned on having cancer. When you’re a young woman, breast cancer is the last thing on your mind. I naively believed it only happened to older women and there was certainly no room in my busy life for such an interruption.   I was 34 years of age when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and about to learn that cancer is no respecter of age.”  Marie Ennis-O’Connor

Below is Maries Review:

Rachel is a terrific writer and just like a roller coaster, her story moves at quite a thrilling pace, taking you from the highs of Marina’s birth, the happy times they shared as a family, and then plunging to the lows of Marina’s school struggles, Rachel’s depression and oh yes..the small matter of Rachel’s breast cancer diagnosis in September 2009.

Rachel writes with brutal honesty of her fierce love for her daughter, but also of how she, by unintentional words and actions compounded Marina’s own predisposition to mental illness.

Throughout Rachel’s cancer treatment, her main concern was always the effect this would have on her daughter, but in the end, cancer was a chance for them to heal their sometimes fractured relationship.

“Cancer sucks, but I had another shot at breaking the two steps forward, one step backward pattern in reaching out to my daughter. I had another ‘second chance’—no matter how much longer l lived.”

Rachel’s cancer diagnosis was a way for this mother and daughter to get their relationship back on track. It was a way to teach them, and by extension the reader, valuable lessons on love, relationships, and forgiveness.

This book is so well told, with no trace of self-pity, and there is so much love within the pages. I admire the relationship between Rachel and her rock of a husband, Paul, who has stood by her and their daughter through all the difficult times. Rachel’s parents were also a great support, and I felt my heart constrict when reading about her Dad’s diagnosis of cancer towards the end of the book. Rachel’s father passed away on the same day as my Mom last November.

There is also humor in the pages of this book. When discussing among themselves how their friends haven’t asked after Marina when she has been hospitalized, Rachel muses that “if you’ve never experienced it, it’s probably hard to know what to think. Mental illness has such a stigma attached to it. I wonder if they picture her jumping up and down and peeing in corners or something.”

My husband laughed. “I’m thinking maybe this Christmas we should send a card like the ones we get from friends highlighting their kids’ accomplishments that year. Only we could say something like, “Well, Marina’s in jail again. But there’s a silver lining—she’s in detox, and we’re convinced she’s going to do it this time. Meanwhile, her kids are in great foster care homes while she does her time in the big house. Oh, she has four of them now.”

Rachel Pappas is the Founder of 1UpOnCancer, which, just like her memoir is a place ultimately of hope and renewal. Rachel and her husband are empty nesters and Marina now lives with her boyfriend.

Marie Ennis-O'Connor
Editor, Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer 
http://journeyingbeyondbreastcancer.com/
http://www.facebook.com/beyondbreastcancer
www.linkedin.com/MarieEnnisO'Connor

Marie Ennis-O'Connor is a public relations professional, specializing in healthcare communications and non-profit social media marketing. She is a passionate believer in using social media for good and is editor and writer of the Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer blog.   http://journeyingbeyondbreastcancer.com/ 

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Elyn Jacobs

elyn@elynjacobs.com

elynjacobs.wordpress.com

Elyn Jacobs is a certified cancer coach, a breast cancer survivor, and the Executive Director for the Emerald Heart Cancer Foundation.  She empowers women to choose the path for treatment that best fits their own individual needs.  She is passionate about helping others move forward into a life of health and wellbeing. To learn more about Elyn’s coaching services, please visit:  http://elynjacobs.wordpress.com.

I Hear You Have Cancer…So How is Your Dog?

Well-meaning friends and family often are at a loss as to what to say when they hear the words “I have cancer”.  At a time when we need them the most, they are at a loss for what they can do to help, physically and emotionally.  Face it, cancer is a show-stopper, and well-meant actions and words can be detrimental to the fragile state of the cancer patient.  The following is a guest post written with love by my friend and fellow cancer survivor, Rachel Pappas.  Rachel shares with us today some helpful hints on how to validate fears and offer support to your loved ones when they most need it.

This one’s for survivors’ friends and family …
By Rachel Pappas
www.1UpOnCancer.com

If you’re a survivor, I could be singing to the choir with what’s in this article, but I want to offer you something to pass along to the people in your life—and to validate how you may think and feel.

There’s not much like a cancer diagnosis to challenge your beliefs about yourself, the world, and sometimes the people we love most. Now is when we most need a human connection; to reaffirm that life’s worth the ride; that we are worth it. That bond reaffirms we are not alone, even if our friends are not on this same ride. Oddly, this is the time that the “people connection” may lose its hold. It’s not easy to slip into your party pants when you’re feeling tired or sick. And sometimes it’s easier to make friends with a good book, or glass of wine because people disappoint us—say the wrong things, or say nothing at all.

Here’s what folks like us have said in focus groups regarding what we need, and what we don’t need, from the people we love who love us back…

• A majority of survivors identify emotional support (i.e., attempt to be understanding) as “most helpful."
• Informational support and advice is good from practitioners but not so much from family and friends.
• Assistance is much appreciated coming from anyone.
• And what so often makes the biggest difference is appraisal.

So translated into a quick and dirty “Guide for Survivors’ Loved Ones”…

Big DO NOTs:
• Minimizing the problem, forced cheerfulness, the words, “Do not worry.”
• Putting on the “Expert Hat” with comments like “This is the drug that will save your life,” or “Here’s the number for the Cancer Center you should go to.”
• And the one that hurts most … avoidance. When you slip into the shadows, what your friend or loved one hears is that life goes on without them.

DO’s:
• Maybe showing up with a nice, home-cooked meal or sending a card.
• Hearing out concerns and fears—the thing that most survivors say is missing. You don’t have to say you get it; just lending your ears is good medicine.
• And what just may go the furthest is praise … you find the words that best express the positive; if they’re genuine, what you will be saying is “Now I really get how important you are to me.”

Here are some interesting study findings on the human connection, sickness and health:

• The immune system's natural killer cells are negatively affected by "distress indicators"—one is lack of social support.

• People who get out more during flu season get sick less often.

• Social isolation disrupts cellular processes deep within the body, predisposing us to premature aging.

• Emotional support has the strongest associations with better adjustment to cancer.

“Loneliness isn't necessarily a result of being alone … [To feel un-alone] humans have a need to be affirmed up close and personal.”  -John Cacioppo, neuroscientist, University of Chicago; co-author of “Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection”

Rachel Pappas is the Founder of www.1UpOnCancer.com, and author of Hopping Roller Coasters, a fabulous book about a mother and daughter; mental illness; falling, getting up. And then along comes cancer. It's about loving, being loved; forgiving, being forgiven.

For another good read on what not to say to a cancer patient, please visit:http://www.terminaltimes.net/2012/01/what-not-to-say-to-cancer-patient.html

Elyn Jacobs

elyn@elynjacobs.com

elynjacobs.blogspot.com

elynjacobs.wordpress.com

Elyn Jacobs is a certified cancer coach, a breast cancer survivor and the Executive Director for the Emerald Heart Cancer Foundation.  She empowers women to choose the path for treatment that best fits their own individual needs.  Elyn helps women to uncover the nutritional deficiencies and emotional stress patterns that may have contributed to their cancer and to support their body as it activates it own natural ability to fight the disease. She is passionate about helping others move forward into a life of health and wellbeing. To learn more about Elyn’s coaching services or to learn more about eating for life, please visit:  http://elynjacobs.wordpress.com.